For all the adoring Madonna fanboys & girls out there, do not label us haters for what we’re about to say…

1.) Part 1: Let’s ponder the first single “Give Me All Your Luvin‘” for a little bit: 5 out of 10. The dust has settled on this one and overall, the song is bland, but it’s also terribly catchy. There’s nothing original here — coyly pulling inspiration from Nicola Roberts’ “Beat Of My Drum” and recycling a sound that’s a cross between “Lucky Star” and “Beautiful Stranger” (with just a little less “Ray of Light” in it this time). Madonna actually sounds fantastic here (and looks effortlessly beautiful in the video), but the track gags on its own attempt at relevance. By dropping “it girl” Nicki Minaj and badass M.I.A. in the mix, the pop-tinged “Luvin’” grinds to a stop in order to accommodate their contributions. Have a look…

Part 2: The Superbowl Halftime Show: 3 out of 5. For someone in her 50′s, she’s still got the moves. Although she had a few misses here and there, and seeming SERIOUSLY nervous, it was a pretty good show. She makes up a few percentage point here.

2.) Next, let’s say something positive and discuss the album cover and title: 10 out of 10 for both the standard and deluxe edition covers. It’s sexy, clever, well-executed, modern, and sleek — five things that Madonna is good at. And the title, “MDNA“, is a very good play on words/abbreviations. So at least we have that…

The Deluxe and Standard Editions

3.) Lastly, let’s discuss the second single, “Girl Gone Wild” which was released last week: 5 out of 10. And we go from bad to worse. There are so many things wrong here — the beat is out of place, half expecting Chris Brown or Taio Cruz to start singing. The lyrics are in a word… trivial. If Madonna gave off the persona that she hits the clubs every weekend and parties like an animal with her posse of man-hungry ladies, then maybe we’d buy it, but she doesn’t, so we don’t.

With two singles thus far, and a major live television event, Madonna isn’t off to a good start with the MDNA campaign. Our friends over at Popjustice have previewed it, saying “THE MADONNA ALBUM IS F*CKING GREAT“. So there’s that. Still, we have our hesitations. Whatever the case, the album will be a big success because Madonna is a brand and whatever music she makes, it will sell.

“MDNA“ is arriving on the 26th of March and will be available in stores and digitally. Buyer beware, the Deluxe Edition has 5 additional songs, including the LMFAO remix of “Give Me All Your Luvin’”. That’s another notch in the coffin in our eyes, but we’re keeping an open mind… for now.

-B